I stuck to my guns.

I sassed a coworker who made me mad. 0 regrets.

I told a different coworker why I was mad. 0 regrets.

My career, obviously, is in customer service. I work with blue collar workers. I come from a blue and white collar family. My father, a farmer and machinist, quit high school. My mother’s side of the family is all medical doctors; she herself attending college and becoming a nurse. I have had to deal with the “good ol’ boys” club for years. Whether it be at the gun shop, show, or range, a warehouse, or now, a telecommunications worker. I have put up with sexist crap for years, and the antiquated and patronizing idea that I’m working there until I find someone to marry. This is 2015, people. Grow up.

Again, I want to drink. I want to drown my sorrows. I have a fleeting thought that beer or shots will calm me down, make me a more pleasant person, and make all this crap go away. However, I know, deep down to my liver and pancreas, it won’t. So I won’t. And it sucks.

So much failure from humans, but that’s to be expected. Nobody is perfect and we are designed to fail. We are designed to screw up. I love Rita Ora’s song, “Never Let You Down”. I know it’s upbeat, catchy, a sweet sentiment, but that’s where it stops for me. Everybody will, eventually, let you down. But that’s also what’s so great about humans. We have the capacity to forgive some pretty heinous crimes, slights, and stupid-ass decisions. I will get some food, some sleep, an wake up refreshed for another day, which will present itself with a whole new set of problems. I will forgive my coworker, even if he never asks for it. I will forgive myself for behaving like a turd/bizzo even when I thought it was justified, but truly wasn’t. I’ll struggle with the fight between justified indignant behavior and trying to be the “bigger person”. I’ll just have to struggle without alcohol. That is one shitty referee that doesn’t need to come to this match.

P.S. I don’t think I could ever forgive my sister for what she did. I will probably spend the rest of my life in therapy trying. Methinks that is time well spent.

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