I Fell Off the Wagon

My boss, who has always had my back and seemed like a nice guy, was fired. He was replaced by a guy who I know little about. My former boss might leave the company, and I have little faith in myself to do my job without him. They let 2 other people go that were not very good at their jobs go. While it doesn’t break my heart, they’re gone. Who knows what they’ll do?

Now I’m to do 2x the work, and for the same pay. I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. My roommate is needing me to stay in town. My company offered me a job 70 miles away. I doubt they’ll pay for the move, and I’ll be starting new in a new town, yet again. I know change is painful and necessary, but why must it happen and I have have seemingly no control?

Before, all the changes had something to do with my actions and decisions. Now I’m drinking to deal with the loss, the change, and I wonder if, subconsciously, the answer to all my problems will present itself. If they’re cleaning house, I wonder how soon until they see me for what a failure I am and get rid of me? What is so great about me, a known screw-up, to keep me around? Am I a doormat, so easily swayed? Am I so oblivious to what they could be paying me? Can I not see what and who they really are? Or was my boss really that incompetent? What did I miss?

And why am I drinking? I made it 5 months. I’m still employed, for now. What made this scenario so bad that I thought alcohol and a play mix of “Music of the 2000’s” could cure it?

I have too many questions, and not enough answers. I know I won’t find those answers at the bottom of a beer glass, but apparently I thought I would when I started. This is probably why I need a sponsor, or somebody who knows what I’m going through.

If you know of anybody I could call, please let me know.


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