Moms: Something not to tell your single friends…

Alright peeps. PSA time. If you’re a mom, please don’t say things like,

1. “Gosh, you go to movies by yourself? I’d feel like such a loser!” 1st, don’t hate me and my single life because you can’t take a shit without some 3 year old trying to tear down the door. We get it: the grass looks greener on the other side. You would love to say the one thing moms can’t get away saying: I’d love to have an hour without my kids because they’re physically draining and emotionally exhausting. You know what, moms? You’ve EARNED that hour many times over. You’ve been and done almost everything with/for your kids, and yet you still feel terrible. You still feel like you should be doing more, going more, encouraging more. MORE MOAAR MOAAARR!!!!!  Take a deep breath. You’re doing fine. You will not fuck your kid up by asking your spouse/baby daddy/partner to take over for an hour so you can get a cup of coffee and read People magazine at a coffee shop. You trusted them enough to make this baby with you, or at least I hope you had a great orgasm out of the deal. If not, then might I suggest you spend that hour at an adult book store finding a toy to help you relax. Your kids have toys. You need one, too.

Bonus tip: “I’m trying to lose, like, 10 pounds so I can be thin and sexy.” 1st, no man has ever complained that there was too much to hold on to. If you’re confident in your skin enough to be playful and romp around, then all the more power to ya, sista. If some dude/partner/spouse says your body has changed, then you can just as easily say theirs has, too. Thin does not always = sexy, especially if you’re not willing to have sexy time until you lose those 10 pounds. You know what turns a guy on? Smelling like bacon. He can play scratch and sniff. Go getim’ ladies.

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